I Fail at Summer

Yes, you read that right. I fail at summer. Most people, you know normal people, are looking forward to summer. My fellow teachers are literally telling me how many days until summer (20 by the way) as I walk out the door each day. I on the other hand am suffering from anxiety over summer. This is coming from the same person who loves Mondays, so yeah, I need to be confined in a straight jacket. As my dad would say, "you better watch out for the fool catcher".

So I'm hear to confess that I can't do summer and I love Mondays.

I'm sure right now you are confused as to what I mean when I say I can't do summers.

Let me try to explain.

I know what you are thinking. Don't she have a kid? I get ya because a kid will keep you busy exausted. When Jack went to regular daycare I kept him home for the summer. He now goes to a Christian preschool and although I would love to save four hundred a month, the positives of going through the summer outweigh that money. For one, I don't want him to lose his spot. Two, he learns so much. Three, I don't want to mess with his schedule. Could you imagine me taking him out for the summer and then having to transition back once school starts back? Just the idea of him screaming for me when I took him back is worth more than 400 a month.

Now you really hate me. A summer off work and no kiddo during the day. What in the world am I complaining about?

After 34 years I know me. I need schedule and pressure. Yes, I can make a list of things to do and all but just to keep it real-if I ain't gotta do it, then I probably ain't gonna do it. I like home. When I have plans, even plans I am looking forward to, and they get canceled, a little part of me is happy.

The first week of summer will be glorious. I'll enjoy not putting on makeup, not having to drive 45 minutes to work, and I'll enjoy getting to catch up on tv. Like I said, the first week will be wonderful. I'm looking forward to that week like no other.

Eight days in and I'll be going crazy. Even if I had unlimited funds I would still be going crazy because I crave the structure of a schedule. I need the pressure and the expectations.

Sitting around doesn't make me feel good. I get bogged down in it. It doesn't take me long before being lazy becomes chronic. You know how it is, sitting around makes you need to sit around more. You lose your energy level quickly.

I've owned this about myself so now I'm on the search for a solution. I'm thinking I need to put myself on a schedule. I've been looking for a summer job but there isn't much available in a town where everything closes at nine.

What I really need to know is that I'm not alone in my odd ways. And if you are someone who fails at time off please tell me so we can be crazy together, and if you have overcome this, I need to know the cure.

What I've Been Reading/My Obsession with Shankle

I spent last week obsessed with everything Melanie Shankle. I had heard about her and her books on a podcast and I immediately jotted down her name. Once I got home I went on Amazon and downloaded Sparkly Green Earrings. This book is all about motherhood. I promise it will bring you so much joy.

I laughed so hard, like was shaking with laughter. Seriously so funny and real. I knew right away that I wanted to read her other two books. Next, I read Nobody's Cuter Than You. This book made me jealous of her relationship with her best friend. I have a wonderful best friend but we do not live a mile from each other and now I really wish we did.

The last book of Shankle's that I read was The Antelope in the Living Room. You wouldn't think I would care about reading a book about marriage since I am fairly newly divorced. However, I was married and know that the unity of marriage can be very humorous. It's good, pinkie promise.

Have you read any of Melanie Shankle's books? 

Books For Teaching Kindness to Toddlers

Lately Jack has really begun expressing his feelings. What I mean by that is he is hitting when he gets mad, kicking stuff when he gets frustrated, screaming when he doesn't get his way....you know, typical three year old behavior.

I went on the search for some books to help us get an attitude adjustment. Books are a great way for Jack to learn because he loves them. What is great about the books that I found is that I found LOTS of extra resources online that go along with each book.

I'm not going to buy each and every book but I will pick a few that I think we really need right now and focus on those issues. I'm thinking there needs to be a "Stop Acting a Fool Before My Mama Beats Me" book but I didn't run across that one. Here is what I found.

1//

2// 

3// 

4// 

5// 

6//

7//

8//

9//

10//

11//

12//

What book does your little one need right now? I think I personally need the Little Monkey Calms Down book. 

Things I Don't Understand About My Child

Do you ever look at your child and ask yourself "what is the deal with this child?"? I've found myself doing that more and more lately. Just when I think I've got this child figured out he will do something and throw me for a loop. Here are some things I don't quite get about my child.

1// Why does he like touching his poop? I know it smells, believe me, I know. What part of something so awful smelling screams touch me?

2// How can he absolutely hate chicken fries and then an hour later get mad that he doesn't have ten more to eat? It isn't like he is pregnant.

3// How can he be interested in listening to me read Pete the Cat I Love My White Shoes after hearing it 12 gazillion times? I've begged him to pick another but nooooo. Just so you know, I hate Pete the Cat now. Goodness, no!

4// If I am rooms away he knows when I'm drinking from a Sonic cup as opposed to a regular cup. It is kind of a gift, an odd gift, but a gift none the less.

5// He has the ability to know exactly when I'm about to loose my stuff and will turn into this sweet loving child who covers me with kisses and hugs. So dang manipulative!

6// If I want him to take a bath he will go hide in the bed, under covers. When I don't want him in the bath he is in the bathroom, turning on the water, butt naked. Straight up difficult!

7// He knows all the words to the Little Einsteins intro but refuses to pee in the potty. There is a serious lack of communication going on.

8// Jack is obsessed with bubbles. If I'm blowing bubbles he is so happy. The two loves of his life are together. When he gets the bottle of bubbles in his own hands he pours them right out and then screams because they are gone. What sense does this make? He has done this too many times to be surprised.

9// Why does he only want the toy that his cousin has and when he can have that toy he don't want it? I know this is an issue with other kids as well. Watching it first hand has me bamboozled.

10// He only eats fruit at school. I can offer him the same thing at home and he won't touch it. I think he likes to make them happy and he likes to watch me beg.

Is there anything about your kid that you don't understand? 

Oh, I Have a 101 in 1001 List.

I read this post by Erin and it made me remember I have a 101 in 1001 list. It isn't great when you forget you even have a list. I decided to go take a look and what I noticed right off the bat was that it was started April 14, 2015 which means it has been over a year. Oh Lordy! One year has already passed and I haven't even looked at the list since....probably April 14, 2015.

First thing I did was look through my list and actually mark a few things off. I immediately wished I had kept better track. Have I read 25 fiction books? Probably so but the OCD in me just can't mark it off without some confirmation. Have I read Jack a 100 books? Probably not, but I have read the same book to him 100 times.

Some of these things are seriously doable right now so I have decided to get going. Give myself some deadlines. Take some action. Get more intentional with this list.

Do you have a 101 in 1001? If so, I would love to check it out since I still don't have my list completed and need some ideas.

Boys and Toys (Guest Post)

You can find me over at Whitney's blog talking about boys and toys. Head over and check it out. I've been behind on blogging this week but I hope to get back to things next week.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Thankful It's Monday

Last week was a killer. It was one of those weeks where I felt like we merely survived. I've never been so happy to see a Monday. It was the fresh start we needed. 

One reason our week was a little different was because Jack's school celebrated Arkansas Children's Week. There were different activities and dress up days. I had prepped everything the weekend before but it still added just enough chaos to our mornings. Here is Jack dressed up as his "what I want to be when I grow up" costume or what I would like to call it "the costume we had on hand". 

I like to make life real interesting. I was babysitting my nephew Saturday and decided it would be a great idea to purchase Playdoh for them. What was smart on my part was buying two that were exactly the same. They still fought because his identical scissors were better than his. I'm pretty sure I said "keep it on the tray" and "don't eat it" 12 trillion times.

While they made Playdoh hair, I downloaded music to listen to while I workout. I have a strong love for the old school jams. This music makes getting on the treadmill that much easier. 

We spent a couple evenings in the bed. Jack and I took turns feeling yuck. Friday after picking Jack up from daycare I knew he really was feeling bad because he didn't walk in the door screaming "I want cookies!" and then he did something unheard of-laid down on his own at five o'clock. A little bit later and he was throwing up which is something he hasn't done since he was one. He was freaked out because he didn't know what was happening. He kept trying to fight it. Poor thing.The rest of the weekend he was okay but he broke out into a rash which was caused from the viral infection he had. 

It was just one of these weeks. I didn't make it to the gym at all which puts me in a funky mood. Work was super busy. We've both felt yucky. There were some good parts: seeing Jack in his dress up gear, lots of extra snuggles, sharing the love of reading with my child, reading all of Melanie Shankles books (yes, I read all three this week), and getting a lot accomplished at work. Even with all the good, the week nearly broke me. 

Welcome Monday, I needed you.

What I'm Currently Praying About

1// I still don't have answers to whether or not I should get a summer job. It's weird because I guess you are just suppose to pray until you get answers. I kinda knew to this whole trusting God thing and I'm not sure exactly what I am suppose to do.

2// Speaking of trusting God. I feel that I sometimes get conflicting words from various inspirational/encouraging women. Some say get out there and make your life happen and then another will say just trust God and his timing will be perfect. It's hard to know what to do. 

3// For God to help me have grace for myself. I haven't been to the gym since Sunday. I've felt extra exhausted this week. Not only physically exhausted but mentally exhausted. I've just been a slump and I need to get out of it. 

4// For God to give me the tools and guidance to do this parenting well. There are so many things I want to be for Jack. Since Jack doesn't have a father in his life I often feel extra pressure to be all things. Most days I feel like I am failing. I told you this hasn't been my week.

5// To be more present. I read another blogger who said she often more be thinking about other things even when someone was talking to her. Me too! Oh how embarrassed I'd be if they knew. I am going to spend the next 7 days trying to be more present. 

What are you currently praying about?

Things I'm Excited About Right Now

1: Mom Struggling Well
I have mentioned this podcast many times but I truly could go on and on with the praise. Emily Thomas is a mom you can relate to. She is funny and honest and the people she interviews are always so encouraging.

2: Plan to Eat
I'm new to Plan to Eat but I'm already in love. I started with recipes all from Pinterest. I'm able to drag the recipes right to my planner and then once the week is planned I can print the shopping list. So easy!

3: Snail mail project
Stephanie at Wife Mommy Me started a Snail Mail Exchange. I for one love getting mail that isn't bills. I've been paired with Jen and it has been so great getting to know her.

4: Riverfest
My friends and I have done Riverfest for a really long time. There have been years where I've had to miss so I'm really excited to have this on the books for May. 



5: Jacks love for books
Jack is all about the books right now and I love it. His favorites right now are...
*Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See
*My Truck is Stuck
*All of the Pete the Cat books (all cats he sees are named Pete)
*The two Little Blue Truck books
*We're Going on a Bear Hunt

6: Sparkly Green Earrings book

7: Dancing with the Stars
I can't decide which of these two are my favorites. I watched Nyle on America's Next Top Model and loved him and how can you not love Ginger.

8: I love the 90s concert
A bunch of my friends and I have tickets to this concert in July. We are beyond pumped.We are going to the concert and then going to a local piano bar. A whole night of friends and 90's music....so excited!

What are you currently excited about? 

Why Can't Every Weekend Be This Weekend?

We had a magical weekend. One of those weekends that you wish was every weekend. It is super rare which is probably why it was so heavenly. If they were always like this weekend then I wouldn't appreciate it when the stars align. 

First off, Friday evening my sister watched Jack while I had margaritas with friends. You can tell I was going somewhere because I was dressed up (hair/clothes/makeup). We had a good time. I wasn't out too late which was good because it made Saturday so much nicer with sleep.

This is Jack enjoying (wearing) an ice cream cone at 11 am Saturday morning. I am that Mom. I'm like "whatever it's Saturday"). 

We spent the whole day with my sister and her family. I snapped this picture of my nephew Bennett. He was very sullen because he wanted to go in the house. He is scared of every bug, so a spring day in Arkansas isn't really his thing. He lived and hopefully he will get over his bug fear. 

Just another cute picture of Jack. That baby holds my heart!

Sunday my mom, Jack, and myself headed to Greenville, MS to do just a little shopping. It was Jack's first time wearing shoes that tie and it just makes me feel like he is so grown. However, I did not enjoy tying them over and over. He was cute though so it's all good. At JC Penny they had a buy one get one for a penny sale. I didn't realize this until I got to the register. I then had to cancel that go shop a little money. I got some amazing deals and my shopping heart was full!

I'm so glad we had that wonderful weekend with the perfect weather because today is yucky and rainy. If you don't believe me, look at my oh so frizzy hair. I hate frizzy hair but after a lifetime with it you just learn to deal. 

I hope y'all all have a fabulous week!

I Confess To You Today....

1// I've dropped reading my daily devotional but have just recently picked it back up.

2// I've never made a lasagna from scratch...Love Stoffers.

3// Putting gas in my car is my most dreaded task.

4// My mom, sister, and I have been thinking about getting matching tattoos for Mother's Day. We are sooooo not tattoo people so this would be out of the norm for us but exciting.

5// This week I've been rocking this parenting gig and yes, I just knocked on wood.

6// Getting a hair cut and style is going to happen this month-if not-I may or may not pull a Brittney Spears.

7// I'm sad that all my shows are going away for now. I'll miss you How to Get Away With Murder and Shades of Blue.

8// Lately I've really been missing my best friend. She and I really really really need to get together soon.

9// TMI but I'm getting my yearly done today and it is not something I'm excited about but really who is? My mother and I go together and have lunch afterwards. Just your average vaginas rock luncheon.

10// I've finished all of the "Mom Struggling Well" podcasts. I listened to them in the car ride to and   from work (90 minutes each week day), during my workouts, and as I'm going to sleep. I also squeezed in extra time during this past weekend. If you haven't listened, hurry up.

What I'm Currently Praying About

1// For God to give me the energy/patience/wisdom to raise Jack. Being a single mama is hard work and I'll need all the guidance I can get.

2// Should I get a summer job? I'm off during the summer (minus 60 hours of professional development) and I hate having time on my hands. Free time seriously causes me lots of anxiety. Jack will still be in daycare because I don't want to lose his spot and I love how much he is learning.

3// How can I be more intentional with my time? I'm so bad at this. I multitask to the point where I'm making mistakes or not focusing enough. I stay busy but yet I feel like I get nothing done. Anyone else feel this way?

4// For me to come into work with a happy heart. April and May are hard when you are a teacher. The kids get crazy, heck, the teachers get crazy. If I go into work with a happy heart I just approach things in such a better way.

5// Wisdom to know exactly what is important to teach Jack. I know I struggle at this. For example, I'm sure teaching him to take care of his stuff is important (like picking up his toys) but I fail at this. I've been lazy with my teaching. I just want to pick them up and move on.

What are you currently praying about?

Being An Only Child

Having Jack a sibling just isn't going to be. I'm really okay with it. After his difficult birth/ICU stay I would be anxious. If I add in that I'm raising a spirited child and doing it alone, I can easily say I'm done. Yes, there is that part of me that wishes things were different but my heart is totally at peace. Down the road I would be open to the calling of adoption, but right now, in this season, Jack is my main focus. 

Raising a spirited child is not the same as raising your average "normal" three year old. It is hard, like really hard. I'm doing the work. I'm reading and talking and praying. It's good work but exhausting work. I should be way skinny from running after him. Dang metabolism! 

When I'm with Jack I have to be on point. When I'm not on point, he is off point. His little world shakes so easily so it is so very hard. After working with kids all day, it is so hard to be ready for him. He is raring to go and you better be in front of him. I fail at this most days of the week (that's another story). 

I love Jack so much and although I believe your heart grows when you have another child, I'm glad my heart for my child is solely with him. I believe he needs a mother who can fully put their love, attention, and prayers on him. 

Currently (April)

I am really enjoying writing these currently posts. It gives me some time to reflect and also get excited for upcoming things. You can check out my past months by clicking below.

January
February 
March

Reading:

Planning: To spend lots and lots of time outside. The weather is getting so lovely and I for one am craving lots of sunshine.

Watching: Shades of Blue/American Idol/Dancing With the Stars/Fixer Upper/The Voice/The Family/The Catch

Trying: Podcasts. Celeste introduced me to "Mom Struggling Well" and I'm obsessed. I'm on episode 6, so yeah, I'm obsessed. My heart is open to hearing more episodes and learning to be a better me.

Cooking: Yeah, I haven't cooked in awhile. I don't think I can count the fried bologna sandwiches we had last night.

Eating: Too much leftover Easter candy.

Drinking: More Dr. Pepper than I should be. Recently I tried Voss water and after my first drink I said "oh, so that's what water is suppose to taste like".

Pinning: Ideas for my future home. All I want is a little cottage style house full of farmhouse decor. Can't I just have this house land in my yard?

Crafting: Calm down bottles for Jack. I made my first one over the weekend. If it works you will hear more about them here.

Going: Riverfest in Little Rock come Memorial Day weekend.....nothing until then.

Loving: My Yeti cup. I can tell that I love it because I actually bring it inside the house after my long drive home from work.

Dreaming: Of being skinny. Of being rich. Of being in my perfect home. Of an obedient kid.

Feeling: Renewed. I'm anxious to change my heart.

Listening: Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez (I'm swear I'm not 16).

Celebrating:  Each and every parenting victory. Jack has been difficult lately. I'm trying to learn to slow down, have realistic expectations, and actually parent instead of yell or jump to frustration. It's not easy.

Improving: Me. I'm a constant work in progress. I enjoy working on myself to become the best mother, Christian, friend, daughter, aunt, librarian that I can be.