Having Jack a sibling just isn't going to be. I'm really okay with it. After his difficult birth/ICU stay I would be anxious. If I add in that I'm raising a spirited child and doing it alone, I can easily say I'm done. Yes, there is that part of me that wishes things were different but my heart is totally at peace. Down the road I would be open to the calling of adoption, but right now, in this season, Jack is my main focus.
Raising a spirited child is not the same as raising your average "normal" three year old. It is hard, like really hard. I'm doing the work. I'm reading and talking and praying. It's good work but exhausting work. I should be way skinny from running after him. Dang metabolism!
When I'm with Jack I have to be on point. When I'm not on point, he is off point. His little world shakes so easily so it is so very hard. After working with kids all day, it is so hard to be ready for him. He is raring to go and you better be in front of him. I fail at this most days of the week (that's another story).
I love Jack so much and although I believe your heart grows when you have another child, I'm glad my heart for my child is solely with him. I believe he needs a mother who can fully put their love, attention, and prayers on him.