Thursday, February 26, 2015

What Do I Do With This Child?

When I was pregnant I would exclaim that I was going to have a well-behaved child. My child was NOT going to be one of those kids that had no discipline. I read parenting books. I watched some Super Nanny. I was equipped.

I was a fool!

If you are a mother then you will know what I'm talking about, and if you aren't, you will one day see that you can't teach discipline until you know your child. There is no one size fits all when it comes to disciplining children.

Jack is not a handful, he is two handfuls. That sweet precious angel face is really a little tornado. He's quick. He gets into one thing and while you are cleaning that up he is getting into something else. He rarely plays with his toys but instead does all the things he isn't suppose to do like he is doing a circuit.

I'm that helicopter mom that I never wanted to be but it's because that dang child has no fear. He is two and loves doing flips on the couch and getting on the back of the recliner and making it fall backwards. Oh and he also loves to climb. I pray this child doesn't get a broken bone. When he isn't getting into something, he is putting something in his mouth. Yesterday he pulled a metal piece that keeps the shelf in place out of the entertainment center and was walking around with it in his mouth. He did that while I literally ran to the bathroom. Luckily we can say "thank you" and he'll give you what is in his mouth.

Here are some pictures of Jack in action:

Here he is climbing on top of the dining room table. I left the room to throw the clothes in the dryer. The laundry room is ten feet from where he was sitting at the table eating a snack.

All the other kids were eating their food so nicely and then there is Jack.

Oh here he is climbing again. This time he was focused on getting to that Dr. Pepper.

Jack decided it would be a good idea to rearrange the bills in the desk. 

The presents have been all opened so the hell with the tree says Jack.

One of Jack's favorites is waking up in the middle of the night to party with mama.

I gave my nephew a piece of cheese and Jack took it and did this piece of art work. 

Even when I am sitting in the room with him, he still doesn't let up. For example, he knows he is not suppose to hit the television. Last night he took his truck and hit the tv while looking at me smiling. i took the truck, got down on his level and told him (for the millionth time) that we don't hit the tv. He did it again using another toy. I put him in time out for 2 minutes. He did it again as soon as he could get up. The whole time he is doing it he is looking at me smiling. I put him in his crib with no tv on. I went and got him after 5 minutes and sure enough he did it again, still smiling at me. I tried to distract him but all he did was worm away to do it again. 

This is seriously what I deal with. He is the definition of a strong-willed child. I'm in the process of reading books and doing research on discipline for a strong-willed child. For Jack, doing what he has set his mind to do is greater than any punishment. Even when he does stop one behavior that I've disciplined him for, he just goes to the next thing he isn't suppose to do. The whole time he is doing what he isn't suppose to do he looks around the room for someone to get up and do something about it. 

Do you have a strong willed child or know one? What are some of their characteristics? 

Mama Intentions

Like every soon to be first time mom, I had a running list of all the things I was not going to do as a mother. Since I have struggled with my weight my whole life, I wanted to introduce only healthy foods into Jack's life. I figured what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. 

Wellllllll life happens and before you know it you are feeding your toddler processed cheese. I use to love those Handi cheese snacks and now Jack loves them too. He has been known to eat Poptarts for breakfast, cookies for lunch, ice cream for supper (not all in the same day). 

There are also times when you are trying to play cards with the gals and the boys keep fighting and you just have to give them a bowl of M&Ms. Problem fixed for as long as the M&Ms last. Sometimes a mama has to do what a mama has to do. 

If I could I would go back and tell pregnant Ashley "Shut up girl! You have no idea what you are talking about. Deciding on what your child isn't going to eat is a waste of time. You will get to a point where you cheer that your child actually ate anything that day. You will also want to buy yourself a trophy when you actually cook something. You will get to a point where you take what you can get."

Is there anything you do as a parent that you promised yourself you wouldn't do?

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Where Did That Girl Go?

Sunday morning I got the bright idea to read all of my old Facebook posts. It's like reading a diary backwards. I'm not a huge Facebook status poster so it didn't take me nearly as long as it would for some people. When I got to 2010 I saw where I posted 2 pictures of myself. I was so surprised by her face that I took a screenshot so I could easily take another look. Something about the girl in those pictures made me smile.

Before I continue, here is the screenshot:

Later I went back and pulled the picture up and once again I couldn't stop smiling. I knew that the girl in those pictures was happy. 

The top picture, as you can see, was taken on my 28th birthday. Not only was that moment such a fun one, but that whole day and night was one of the best nights I've ever had. Us girls still  talk about that ledgendary night. We had spent the day at the horse races, went and ate a real meal, went back to our friend Lisa's house to get ready, and then went to my favorite bar of all time-Boot Scooters. Sadly, Boot Scooters relocated after a fire and it isn't the same. We had a few really great nights at the old Boot Scooters, but the night of my 28th birthday was by far the best. 

The bottom picture was taken to show off the one whole wall I painted. I was moving into my own home. A single girl with a world of possibilities. I painted an accent wall and I was feeling quite proud of myself. The one thing I notice about this picture is my skin looked really good. I'm not sure what I was doing but I need to do that again so I could have that great skin back. I remember taking this picture and I didn't appreciate how happy and fresh I looked and felt. 

The girl in both of those pictures waas like a Spanish explorer, ready to discover a new world. My life was open and full of what could be. My future was a blank slate and I awoke each morning excited to see what life had in store for me. 

I don't write this post with saddness, but with hope. I firmly believe that if I once felt that much passion for life then I can feel it again. I'm not depressed but my passion and thirst for life has dwindled. I want that inner push. I also wouldn't mind having that skin back.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Quotes That Relate To Me

Sometimes you have to make light of the things that life throws at you. 

I try to remind myself of this every morning. To fully be the person that makes other people feel important would be great.

I love this one. I often care too much about what others have to say. It reminds me to not take everyones words to heart. This one really applies to my relationship with my ex. 

I love music. I just thought this one could resonate with everyone.

It takes hard work to get where you want to be. 

This one is oh so true. When you have repeated mistakes before then the future is scary because the last thing you want to do is repeat those mistakes again and you know you have it in you to do just that. 

I miss having that feeling of wanting to jump out of bed and get to working towards something I am passionate about. I want to get back to being that person and I'm working on it.

I'm a goal oriented person and I believe it is important to take a daily inventory.

I believe this is so true. You have to remind yourself to change the way you think.

Oh how true this is for everyone. I forget too often how blessed I am. 

Do you have a favorite quote?

Monday, February 23, 2015

Jack: 2 Years and 3 Months

I wanted to document some Jack facts since these moments go by so quickly. I love being able to go back and see how much Jack has learned. It's been awhile since I've done a Jack post so here it goes.


  • he loves M&Ms
  • we are getting in the habit of having Jack eat every meal at the table
  • some days he will eat everything on his plate and more and then there are other days where he just throws all his food on the floor
  • he loves drinking out of a straw
  • loves ketchup
  • his favorite, like most kids, is cookies
  • his alphabet: he repeats the letters and knows most of them on his own
  • he is saying more and more words but still doesn't talk like I wish he would
  • he jabbers a lot
  • will say a random word or sentence (like the other day he said "I want a bath.") but won't say it again
  • it is an ongoing battle between sleeping through the night and sleeping for a few hours before waking up and ready to party
  • some nights he prefers no tv to go to sleep and other nights he enjoys falling to sleep to Thomas the Train
  • he loves his nap and goes down easily 
  • even when he is sleeping he tosses and turns a lot
  • he is still sleeping in a crib for the time being
  • he loves going to what we refer to as school
  • in the mornings he says "go to school" and runs to the door
  • his favorite is Ember
  • the other day they had a tornado drill and he freaked out
  • they tell me he eats a lot at school
  • the only way they can get him to eat at school is to put him in a high chair, hide his drink, and then someone has to sit by him to keep him from pouring his food off the plate-he's a mess
  • all of his teachers love him and they love making jokes about how wild he is
  • the first time he said "love you" was to one of his teachers-now he says it to me too 
  • it feels good knowing that he loves going to school and that they people who are taking care of him during the day love him and he loves them back
  • his favorite toys are his little cars and trucks
  • he is starting to enjoy his inside trampoline more and more
  • he loves playing in the bath tub 
  • as soon as it warms up we will have more time to play outside
  • Jack loves to wrestle
  • he doesn't play with most his toys except for little vehicles
  • he enjoys testing the limits-example: he will take one of his trucks and hit the window with it as he looks at you and smiles
  • he is starting to get out the alphabet flash cards and sit and say his alphabet
  • pretending he is asleep
  • fist bumping
  • painting himself with bath paint
  • blowing kisses
  • saying the letters M and W-he says these letters in the cutest way
  • watching Super Why and Frosty the Snowman
  • saying thank you
This is a great time with Jack right now. Each day he is changing, growing, and learning. He is always a lot of fun. As much fun as he is, he is that much work. He keeps us on our toes for sure. He's rough and tough and laughs with his whole body. He tests the limits, has no fears, has unlimited energy, and gives the best love. Two is shaping up to more fun than I could have ever imagined. No terrible twos here. He has had the same temperment since birth. I hope he keeps that push for going after what he wants.

If you have a kid, I would love to hear your best parenting advice or parenting hack.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

A Wintery Week

Monday I was off work for President's Day and so I got Jack all ready for daycare. He looked super cute so I posted the picture on Facebook with a caption about being all ready for school. One of his teachers posted under the picture that daycare was closed due to the weather. Man was I sad. I had a whole day planned for myself. 

I took him out of that outfit and put on his Razorback suit. He is such a silly boy. When my nephew Bennett saw him he said "Pig Sooie". 

As the day progressed the winter weather did come on in. Here is a picture of the ice in the trees. The only positive thing I can say about the ice is that it is pretty. We ended up losing electricity. My sister and nephew came over and my mom, sister, and I played UNO. Why is it that we never play games until we lose electricity. We decided that we had so much fun that we were going to do this more often even if the lights were on. Our next game is going to be Phase 10. 

We were out of school that Tuesday also and Jack was able to go to daycare so I was able to have a day to myself. You know what I did? I slept almost the whole time except when I was watching tv in bed. It was so nice! 

Another round of wintery weather is suppose to be coming in late tomorrow and early Monday. I really hope we get some snow this time. Jack and my nephew Bennett both love the movie Frosty the Snowman so I would love to see them to get to make their own snowman. I just think they would really enjoy that. Living in south Arkansas we can never count on what the weather man says we always just have to wait and see what happens. I know I sure wouldn't mind a day off work to make a snowman with these boys, drink hot cocoa, watch Frosty the Snowman for the zillionth time, and play cards with my family. Bring on the snow (please!). 

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Active Mama *Feb-March

I use to participate in a link up called Active Mama but my friend no longer blogs. Basically what it was you did fun things with you child, wrote up a post, and linked up. It was so much fun reading and learning about new fun ideas. Another great part was the planning process because beforehand you would come up with things you wanted to do in order to keep yourself accountable and also to help yourself get any materials together or planning done.

This is one of the Active Mama activies I did with Jack from before. 

I've decided I would try to write up my Active Mama goals and then post how I did. If all goes well then I just might make it a link up again. So here I go, my Active Mama goals for the rest of February and  also March.

1// Make a letter matching game for Jack and I to play. I want to either get 2 decks of flashcards and have him match them that way, or make something at work using the cutting machine and some cardboard. Obviously, I'm going to try the flashcards first because that sounds a lot easier. Maybe if I did flashcards I could anchor one deck to something somehow and then put velcro to the back of the second deck. Is this making any sense??? Like maybe staple the first deck to a cheap but semi thick tablecloth and then let him velcro the matching letters. We could just spread the tablecloth on the table to play or lay it out on the floor. We need to do this activity at least twice a week.

2// Pipe cleaners through colander activity. I would like to do this activity at least 5 times.

3// Sort pom poms by color. i would like to do this activity at least 3 times.

4// Read more to Jack. You would think as a librarian that I would read more to my child. He doesn't care to sit still very long. I need to do better at getting him use to listening. I can find shorter books and get him more involved. My goal is at least one book a day right before bedtime.

5// Take Jack to The Wonder Place. We took Jack there once awhile back and I would like to take him again now that he is a little older. It is almost two hours away but it is so much fun. I think he would really enjoy it more now. It has lots of learning activities. I want to do this once.

6// Water painting. Just take construction paaper and give him a paint brush and a small container of water. Hopefully this will be one of those activities that will keep him busy while I do small tasks like wash dishes or fold laundry. I want to have him do this activity at least 4 times, maybe more depending on how well he does. I'm a little worried he is going to dump the water out.

7// Color. Jack colors at school. We tried coloring here some but it has been awhile. I would like to try again. Maybe coloring can be the activity we do right after bathtime. Hopefully, it will continue to keep him relaxed instead of him getting all hyped back up after bathtime. My goal is to start making this a routine for after bathtime. We do bathtime six nights a week. This goal can easily change depending on how well he does.

8// Make and use a penguin playdough mat. I may also make other playdough mats to use. My goal is for Jack to do this activity once a week.

Things to buy:
/2 decks of alphabet cards
/pipe cleaners
/construction paper

Things to do:
/print off penguin playdough mat and laminate
/staple alphabet cards to tablecloth
/put velcro on alphabet cards
/gather books to read

You can read a few of my old Active Mama posts from my old blog by clicking here, here, and here.

Are there any goals you want to accomplish with your kid(s) this month?

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Should Have Known (How The Visitation Went)

I'm just gonna lay it all out there. Don't think I'm being bitter or jealous or any of those other words that women call other women who are going through a divorce. I'm just gonna be honest. I need to vent and also explain how the first visitation went.

So Jack's Dad (J) has been telling everyone and Facebook how I've been keeping his son from him which is not the truth. My only rule has been that I did not want Jack staying the night at J's girlfriend's house. Other than that he was free to see Jack. He choose not to visit him. Saturday was the first ordered visitation set by our temporary visitation agreement. J would get Jack from 10 am to 7 pm on Saturday. Here are some facts to help you follow along.

1. J lives with his girlfriend in Little Rock which is at most 2 hours away from where we live.
2. Lake Village is 30 miles south of where we live.
3. I invited J to Jack's Valentine's party prior to the temporary visitation agreement and again once after Feb. 12 (the day before the party).
4. J is ordered to pay $25 a week which is a minimum because he has no income.
5. His current girlfriend (M) does work and was working this past weekend.

So, Saturday morning Jack woke up extremely early, like 4 am early. Maybe he could feel my anxiety.  After a little while I texted J to let me know when he was leaving so I could give Jack a bath and start getting him ready. Well a little after 8 I went ahead and started getting Jack ready.

Jack took a Valentine's themed bath

At 9 J calls and says he is on his way soon. I hear him talking to someone and say "I thought you were coming alone". He explains that he is talking to the hotel manager and that he is staying in a hotel in Lake Village. I asked him "Why did you drive past here to go to your room?". He explains that he got the room yesterday. What??? I asked him why didn't he come to Jack's Valentine's party then. He said he came after the party. Hello!!! He doesn't have a job so he could have came up at any time.

J gets here and I go to put him in the carseat when J brags "I bought him a brand new one". Yeah, you did, but you haven't installed it. I ended up having to zip Jack into his trampoline while we installed it. I packed snacks, clothes, toys, drinks, and cups. He had told me the day before that they were going to have lunch at McDonalds and he was going to take Jack to the park so I wanted to make sure Jack had everything he would need. J had already agreed to go ahead and buy diapers and wipes.

At 1:09 I sent J a text asking how things were going. He said that he wasn't use to this anymore and went on to ask me if I could drive down and pick Jack up. My Mom drove me down there since I hadn't slept the night before. They were waiting outside when we pulled up. He said "maybe next time I can come to your house and that way Mama can help me".

They never went to the park and he never took him to McDonalds. Jack's pants were wet and his diaper was soaked so I know he hadn't been changed. All of these reasons and many more is why I didn't want him to stay overnight.

We stopped at Sonic so I could feed him lunch. When we got home I changed him and then took him outside to jump on the trampoline. I texted J "Since you didn't get as much time with him, if you want you can pick him up and take him to supper or you can come here and visit him. We are making Valentine cupcakes".

Bennett, Jack, and myself ate Valentine cupcakes in bed and watched Frosty the Snowman in bed.

I also texted him to let him know that he forgot to pack Jack's coat and asked him to bring it by on his way through town. He texted back that he was leaving town tomorrow so that he would bring it by then.

J never showed up to take Jack to dinner or for Valentine cupcakes. J never dropped off his coat. He (I'm sure M) paid me the $25 child support. I put the money in Jack's piggy bank. 

Questions I ask myself:
1. Why stay 2 nights to only see your son for that short amount of time?
2. You have wanted to see your son so badly but yet you choose not to go to his Valentine's party, go have supper with him, or visit him on Sunday when you drop his coat off, why?
3. Why would you sit in a hotel room with a 2 year old and not take him to McDonalds and the park like you said you were going to do?
4. How can you afford a hotel room for 2 nights yet can only give me $25 a week?
5. How can M be so dumb as to believe that he stayed in that hotel room alone?
6. How can M believe that J needed a hotel room in the first place? We go to Little Rock all the time for the day. He could have left at 8 and been here early enough to get him at 10. 
7. Why would he stay in Lake Village when where we live has hotels also? Hello M, he is in Lake Village (the town he use to work in) staying in a hotel for the weekend yet keeps his son for a few hours. What's up with that? I see a new woman in his future very soon. 

When I texted him Sunday night asking him to let me know his plans for this Saturday as soon as he knows he responded with "is this my Saturday?". The papers say every Saturday and he didn't even know that. I had to open my freaking mouth. 

I so badly want to yell at him but that would only make him be evil and do things to piss me off. It's better to play the game for awhile and let him mess himself up. My focus needs to be on Jack and not J. 

Well there is your update. Until next time my loves.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Images of Happy

This is round two of Tabitha's Images of Happy link up. The first round I misunderstood what I was suppose to do and only put in pictures from January that made me happy. Now I'm more knowledgeable and have included pictures from various stages of my life that have made me happy. I hope you enjoy and link up over at a hundred tiny wishes.

a hundred tiny wishes

1// I adore this photo of Jack. My mom brought Jack along on a work conference I had to attend. Since I'm a librarian I thought this outfit was just too cute. I really need to print this one and place in my Dr. Seuss themed library. 

2// For the longest time I gave Jack his bath in the sink. It was so much easier on my back. Those eyes! Those lips! I just think he is such a cutie in this shot. Each time I look at it I can remember the goodness of those days. We were a happy family of three just giving our baby a bath in the sink. 

3// I picked ths picture because I love these two people so much. Jessica is my bestest friend in the whole wide world. She is my Gail, well more like I'm her Gail, because she would be Oprah. There aren't enough words or time in the world to express how great of a friend she is to me. I love knowing that no matter what this girl has my back. She would never say a bad word against me. If I'm mad at someone, then she is even more mad at them. She would do anything for me. She listens to me. She tells me the truth. She is also married to the greatest guy in the world, Stan. They deserve each other because they are both so great. I knew he was perfect when one night she and I had too much to drink in college. We were both in opposite bathrooms puking. He could have just taking care of her, but instead he ran back and forth bringing wet rags and offering any assistance. I'm lucky to call them both my friends.

4// This picture was taken too long ago. We are bad about not taking pictures of the adults. We all have hundreds of pictures of the kids but rarely do we take pictures of ourselves and we need to fix that. Thankfully I did snap this one. It is my Dad holding his grandsons, Bennett and Jack. I actually printed this picture off for him and it is hanging by his desk. Jack said his first complete sentence tonight. He said "I want PawPaw". It goes to show what a great relationship these boys have with their PawPaw. 

5// Jack was ten months old in this picture and I believe this is the first drink I had after having him. My good friend Betsy and I went to the local Mexican restaurant for a few margaritas and some girl talk. You can tell by the picture that we were having a good time. Betsy lives in Fayetteville so seeing her was a rare occassion and when we do get to see each other it is like no time has passed and we pick up right where we left off. 

6// Bennett is my nephew. I love him so much. He calls me LaLa, which I adore. He is super smart. This was taken at his second birthday party. He is now three and a half, because at this age, the half matters. Right now when you don't do what he wants you to do he tells you that you are making a bad choice. Tonight at the dinner table he said "LaLa, can I have some chocolate milk please". This was after he asked his Dad who told him he had to eat his supper first. Bennett then said "Good job Bennett, you said please" and then went on to clap. He tries to play us and when I say tries, I mean he plays us. He's too cute not to. Bennett loves to learn, he wants chocolate all the time, he is serious about his tv, he enjoys his sleep, he asks to watch SVU, and he enjoys baking. I swear this child could be mine except that he looks exactly like a perfect combination of his mother and father. 

Monday, February 16, 2015

Why Do I Pick Your Blog?

I like to go blog shopping. Of course, I have my favorites that I read on the daily, but I'm always searching for new blogs to follow. As my life changes so does my interests. So what causes me to choose one blog over another blog to follow?

1// Topic. I like to read about the following topics:
motherhood pros and cons
parenting topics
personal growth
beauty-mainly products

2// Genuine. There are lots of blogs on motherhood so how do I choose to follow one and not the other?
I'm not sure if it's intuition or even whether I'm right or wrong but I usually can tell if a blogger is being real or not. Nothing is more boring than reading someone who has shit out a bunch of sunshine and rainbows. I'm not saying you have to share the negative and I'm not saying that a trip to Target ain't the boom but what I am saying that not each ordinary moment was OMG, presh, be still my heart, freakin' wonderful. Just be honest and it will show and believe me, those blogs are a lot more interesting to read.

3// Good product reviews. I'm not going to ignore a blog for doing a product review. Now if you start doing them all the time, I'll probably drop you. Some readers ignore product reviews but I try and make a point to read them, especially if I read your blog daily. I've known several bloggers who each time they wrote a product review the product was the best product they ever used. After awhile they come off as untrustworthy. See you later alligator!

4//  Location. There is just something satisfying about reading the words of a blogger that lives in your state. Some of you are probably lucky enough to maybe even live in the same cities as your favorite bloggers. Since I'm from Arkansas and we don't have a huge blogger population, I get super excited and enjoy reading most blog that are written by bloggers from my state (as long as they fit within the topics I'm interested in).

5// Variety. For the most part I don't follow a lot of blog that focus only on one topic, such as just cooking or crafts. I do have a few exceptions such as I Heart Crafty Things , I Heart Organizing, and Artsy-Fartsy, Mama. I prefer more lifestyle type blogs. Variety is more my thing. I want to read about the different facets of your life.

Why do you pick a blog to read?

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Yep, It's a Valentine's Post

Jack sent me flowers to school. I didn't expect anything this year being that my husband is probably getting his girlfriend something this year instead. It was a nice surprise! 

I left work a little early on Friday so I could rush over to Jack's Valentine's party. All of the other kids are nicely eating their food and then there is Jack who has....well you can see. Yes, these two year olds are eating cheetos, cupcakes, sugar cookies, and ice cream. The other kids picked at their food but not Jack. I finally had to throw away his ice cream after he had eaten everything else and half of his ice cream. I kept thinking this kid is going to get sick any minute.

The ladies at the daycare said they had to take Jack out of the room because while they were trying to set up he kept eating the food off everyone's plate before the party got started. We can't get him to eat at home. Now I know why. We aren't feeding him cupcakes, cookies, and cheetos. This child was in sugar heaven.

I get sugar cracked out Jack home and find that I have gotten a Valentine in the mail. Like in the real mail. I seriously love snail mail! Isn't this card so freaking cute too??? My friend Tabitha from A Hundred Tiny Wishes thought of me. Do y'all even know how much that meant to me? I have never actually met her and this kind woman didn't just do a random act of kindness, she actually thought of me, took time to pick a card, write in the card, address the card, and mail the card. We too often forget how thinking of others can change someone. Tabitha, the fact that I know you cared enough to think of me during this time is just beyond words. Thanks is just too sucky of a word. You made a difference in someone's life today and I want you to know that. My parents were like who is Tabitha and it was nice to say "she is my friend". 

On today, the day of love, let me leave you with this. Buying someone something because you are "suppose" to doesn't show the love you need to share. Don't forget to say the words that are on your heart. Maybe those words are I love you, I appreciate you, I'm thinking of you, whatever it may be, make sure you mean it and it comes from the heart. Also, don't forget to tell yourself how much you are loved.  You may not love everything about yourself but say a few positive things to yourself tomorrow. Pay yourself a few compliments and mean it. 

Friday, February 13, 2015

Night Before Visitation Begins

Tomorrow Jack begins getting to spend Saturdays with his Dad. The official papers say from 10 am to 7 pm. I'm quite anxious. Since we split six months ago, his dad has seen Jack maybe five times. Jack has changed a lot in these six months. Ms. Control Freak here has to hand over her most precious piece of her heart to a person she feels like lied and manipulated her. Mama here is feeling a little (okay a whole lot nervous). I even asked if I could tag along for the first hour so they could get reaquantied before I just left the two of them alone. He didn't go for it.

His Dad lives two hours away so he is going to get a hotel room for visitation. Obviously, he can't do that every Saturday. Right now there is no plan. We are pretty much at a standstill on our terms. He clearly wants to take Jack the two hours to stay overnight at his girlfriend's house and I am not okay with those terms. Boy divorce sure is fun! When I say this I mean it. I understand now why some people wait until their kids are grown before they get a divorce. If things weren't so far gone between the two of us I would try and make things work just so I could keep Jack with both of his parents.

His Dad is going to pack the things that Jack needs such as diapers, wipes, and cups. I keep thinking of all the things that his Dad needs to know to make things smoother for the both of them. I also thought it would be a good idea to gather up a few of Jack's favorite toys to take with them. Not only will it give them something to do but also will give Jack a feel of home. Do I sound like a crazy mother yet??

To make myself feel better about tomorrow I decided to head to Pinterest for some divorce humor. I'll share with you some of my favorites. I'll be sure to also share with you how tomorrow goes.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Straight Up Random

I really wanted to stay on my blogging game and keep posts coming out on the regular but boy can life get in the way of that at times. Since I skipped Monday-Wednesday I'll just combine everything in one post. Cliffnotes people!

1// I finished with Jack's classes Valentines 3 days early!!! I think it is because I'm still new to this that I find it fun. I'm sure by the time he is in the first grade I'm going to be throwing some cartoon paper Valentine's together. For now, I still find it Mama Fun to be cutesy.

2// We were suppose to go to court yesterday but were able to work a deal out because his lawyer really didn't want to travel to the hearing. So as it stands right now Jack's dad can see him from 10 am- 7 pm every Saturday. I also get $25 a week in child support. I'll be putting this money into a savings account for Jack.

3// We do the whole Secret Pal thing at work and well my SP hooked me up yesterday. Just look at my loot. 

The necklace has a stone with Jack's birthstone (how sweet!). Candy....thanks please! There is also a notebook of sticky notes of various sizes. Any teacher loves (and always needs) sticky notes.

4// I can't get Uptown Funk out of my head. Ever...even in my sleep, I am jamming.

5// I'm off work Monday and daycare is open. This Mama is taking her kid to daycare and I'm taking the day for myself. Yep, sure am. I may lay in bed and watch Scandal all day and eat a half priced boxed of Valentines chocolate. I'm not sure yet. I'm still planning. Gotta love when a Mama has options!

Sunday, February 8, 2015

The Biggest Downside to Breast Reduction

I'm writing this in the throws of what has been the biggest downside to my breast reduction. Hopefully, it won't come off too angry because I'm in massive pain right now.

Here is a little back story. I had gigantic boobs. I got them from my dad's side of the family. My mom's nickname is school was mosquito because her boobs were like mosquito bites. My sister has big boobs too but she has the good type of big boobs. You know where they are big and beautiful but don't come off like like she is wearing a tent when she puts a shirt on.

Well I had boobs that were so massive (by far the biggest in our whole school) and I hated them. By nature I hate attention. If you want attention, get yourself a pair of big boobs. Boys and girls alike will bring them up constantly because clearly I'm oblivious to them. I'm talking so big that finding bras to fit was like hunting for the coolest Christmas toy of the season. I know you want to see a picture and if they weren't all hidden away in storage I would share.

High school was not a fun time for me and I blame in on the boobs. Guys walked down the hallway constantly making comments. Some of them even went as far as touching them "on accident". Grils were caddy and even my friends made jokes and comments. My nickname was Dolly Parton. I hate attention and these things were given me the worst kind.

The pain I was experiencing in my back surely didn't help matters. My mom knew how much I hated them. Since I was on ARkids insurance at the time and would be taken off at the age of 18 my mom suggested that the summer before I started my summer year that I have a breast reduction. I was onboard!

The last thing I wanted to do was start college with these massive breasts. I wanted a fresh start.

The surgery itself went well. Since it was done 14 years ago lots of advances have been made. My best friend got one done a few years ago and she had drainage tubes (which I didn't have). I healed quickly and went on my merry way.

Then came the problem. I noticed that when my left nipple (let me mention it had to be removed and reattached) gets cold it hurts like a pain that is undescribable. It feels like it is on fire which yes is irronic because the nipple is cold. You should have seen the things I have done to try to ease the pain-hairdry, bengay, heating pad, literally have pulled my boob out in the car in front of the vent, wrapped it in out of the dry towels....

Mostly it just takes time for the pain to go away. Luckily it isn't an everyday thing and mostly it is in the winter months. When I was pregnant that was when it was the worst. I would wrap that sucker up like it was a broken leg trying to keep all water off of it.

I've googled it and other people experience the same thing but what I haven't gotten is any solutions. I go for my woman check-up in March and I'm going to bring it up to her.

Other than this crazy boob pain, I am so thankful that I had the breast reduction.

5 Things From This Week

1// Work has been super cray cray! I've been so busy at work that I've seriously had to walk outside a few times to chill myself out. We are having to do state testing online this year. We have been working with the kids on the Chromebooks to let them practie testing online. Oh what a headache it has been. Since I'm in charge of the Chromebooks (99 of them) and the ipads (58 of them) it is a headache checking them out, making sure they get checked back in, and making sure they all get charged. Also, each time a student has an issue with a Chromebook the teacher sends them to me to help them. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have 8 classes a day. Each time there is a Chromebook issue I have to stop teaching to fix their issue. Okay, I have vented enough.

2// My brother Mitchell got Jack some magnetic alphabets for his birthday (yeah back in November) and I decided to open them up this week since Jack is showing more interest in the alphabet. I found an old cookie sheet to put them on and he really seems to enjoy playing with them. He doesn't know all his letters yet but he knows several of them. My favorite is when he says "w".

3// I've already accomplished one of my February goals! I went through Jack's socks and organized them. I got rid of the ones that were too small. All the ones that don't have a match I have put in one drawer. By the end of the month whatever is left in that drawer will be thrown out. Man it was great marking that one off my list!

4// Some people are so great about picking up the kid's toys at the end of the day but not this girl. I use to be that girl but gosh it just got so tedious. Here is the current view from our living room.

Please take notice of the upside down tv trays. Jack loves knocking them over and hearing the big clash. You can also see bills scattered around. Jack also loves getting into the bill drawer and throwing the papers out. Now that we are living with my parents, Jack no longer has an official playroom.  My parent's living room is the largest room in the house and has a baby gate so we try to keep him confined in there as much as possible. He hates the baby gate and is contrantly trying to get someone to open it to let him loose. Yesterday when I let him loose he took all of my Keirig coffees and threw them in the trash. #toddlerproblems

5// I am up writing this post at 2:30 am because I am thinking "yay a little quiet time" for myself. As I sat here in the living room I can hear Jack talking up a storm and when I say talking I mean saying a much of stuff that makes no sense. Plus, I've somehow missed placed the Dr. Pepper I was drinking and that makes me sad. 

5 on Friday with April of A. Liz Adventrues, Christina of Carolina Charm, Natasha of Hello! Happiness, and Darcy of The Good Life.
And Friday Favorites with A Little Bit of EverythingMomfessionals, and Grace and Love.
Oh Hey Friday with September Farm and The Farmer's Wife

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Divorce Update

Oh yucky divorce. All those upbeat country divorce songs I hate now because there is nothing upbeat about it. The process is like climbing up a slippery jagged mountain naked. You are bound to slip and when you do it hurts and there is no protection.

We have a hearing on the 11th. J will more than likely get every other weekend. Currently he is living with his girlfriend so I have requested that Jack not be allowed to stay the night where there are guests of the opposite sex. I'm not sure what will happen since he does live there and it is two hours away. Once he is married then Jack will have to be allowed to stay.

Of course, there is a part of me that wants to hand Jack over and say here you go. J would have no clue as to how to take care of him anymore. It has been over six months since J has taken care of him and a lot has changed. A part of me would get lots of satisfaction knowing he was struggling. It would serve him right for not being a part of Jack's life these last several months.

You and I both know that I can't let that happen. If it would only make J miserable I would do it without hesitation. I can't do it to Jack. I want things to be as easy on Jack as possible. Instead I am putting together a Jack manual. I'm having to think of all the day to day things that Jack needs and wants. I want to make this as easy of a transition for Jack as possible.

The hardest part is going to be missing him while he is with his dad. It's gonna be really hard. I know it is just something I'll have to get use to and will take time. I have a dear friend who has two sons who go to their father's house every other weekend. She promised that it gets easier over time and she said when he is gone that I need to stay busy.

The hearing on the 11th is suppose to be a temporary hearing but we are working towards making it the final hearing by working on the details beforehand. J and I both are currently being cordial. Things are easier when we get along because I am a lot less stressed out. When he gets angry he gets vindictive and always threatens to request more than every other weekend with Jack. I'm still not getting any child support because he isn't working.

Most days aren't too bad. There are times when anxiety gets to me when I think about Jack with his Dad and his girlfriend. I picture her holding my son and being a family together with my son and it bothers me. I try to not let those ugly thoughts enter my mind but sometimes they do and it sucks. Ideally, she will drop him. It would be great if he could get his own place closer to us so that when Jack was with him I would be close by. Also, it would be great if I had him nearby for times when I need a sitter for after school. Honestly though I don't think he would ever move down here again. I think it makes more sense because his son is here but my opinion isn't worth a hill of beans to him.

I'll be sure to update everyone after the 11th. Wish me and Jack luck!