It really hit home with me because with my current situation I needed to be reminded that there are things I can control and other things I can't. In life there are problems that either fall into the circle of influence (things you can control) or circle of concern (things you can't control). Spending your time and energy focusing on what falls into the circle of concern is a waste. Your focus should stay within the circle of influence.
Working on yourself first is key. Setting a standard of character is crucial. You should practice being the person you want to be. I know that sounds silly but it does take practice. Practice makes habit. One thing you can start doing is keeping promises to yourself. Your life is all about choices and you are the one who chooses to be happy, mad, sad, pissed off, or whatever other emotion you want to feel. You have to be proactive.
If you are proactive and focus on your circle of influence (the things you can control) your circle of concern gets smaller. If you are a reactive person and focus on the circle of concern (the things you can't control) then your circle of influence gets smaller which makes more problems for you.
Here is an example: I can not control the attitude or behavior of my ex. I can focus on it and react to it but what does it help? It doesn't help my end game which is making sure Jack is happy. I can instead be proactive and focus on me and how I behave. Let me add this. In order for this to work it has to be real. You can't play yourself which means you have to really be dedicated in becoming a better person.
It is important to not react to a problem or situation but instead be proactive. Outsmart the situation. You are the only person who is responsible for your life. Blaming others is much easier but pointless and gets you nowhere. Saying things like "well I get it from my dad" is putting your actions onto others.
I've spent a little over a week working on habit one. It's amazing how much my life has already changed for the better. It's not easy facing things head on but it makes me feel stronger.
I've started on number two which is "keep the end in mind". One of the main exercises in chapter two is to write a Personal Mission Statement. It gives you focus and makes you the leader of your life. I'm going to start working on mine soon. I know it is not going to be an easy task. It is going to take a lot of thought and soul searching.
What item would you put in a Personal Mission Statement?
Good luck!! It is so hard not to lash out in difficult situations like dealing with your ex. I really hope this helps you! This sounds like an awesome book!
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