Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Should Have Known (How The Visitation Went)

I'm just gonna lay it all out there. Don't think I'm being bitter or jealous or any of those other words that women call other women who are going through a divorce. I'm just gonna be honest. I need to vent and also explain how the first visitation went.

So Jack's Dad (J) has been telling everyone and Facebook how I've been keeping his son from him which is not the truth. My only rule has been that I did not want Jack staying the night at J's girlfriend's house. Other than that he was free to see Jack. He choose not to visit him. Saturday was the first ordered visitation set by our temporary visitation agreement. J would get Jack from 10 am to 7 pm on Saturday. Here are some facts to help you follow along.

1. J lives with his girlfriend in Little Rock which is at most 2 hours away from where we live.
2. Lake Village is 30 miles south of where we live.
3. I invited J to Jack's Valentine's party prior to the temporary visitation agreement and again once after Feb. 12 (the day before the party).
4. J is ordered to pay $25 a week which is a minimum because he has no income.
5. His current girlfriend (M) does work and was working this past weekend.

So, Saturday morning Jack woke up extremely early, like 4 am early. Maybe he could feel my anxiety.  After a little while I texted J to let me know when he was leaving so I could give Jack a bath and start getting him ready. Well a little after 8 I went ahead and started getting Jack ready.

Jack took a Valentine's themed bath

At 9 J calls and says he is on his way soon. I hear him talking to someone and say "I thought you were coming alone". He explains that he is talking to the hotel manager and that he is staying in a hotel in Lake Village. I asked him "Why did you drive past here to go to your room?". He explains that he got the room yesterday. What??? I asked him why didn't he come to Jack's Valentine's party then. He said he came after the party. Hello!!! He doesn't have a job so he could have came up at any time.

J gets here and I go to put him in the carseat when J brags "I bought him a brand new one". Yeah, you did, but you haven't installed it. I ended up having to zip Jack into his trampoline while we installed it. I packed snacks, clothes, toys, drinks, and cups. He had told me the day before that they were going to have lunch at McDonalds and he was going to take Jack to the park so I wanted to make sure Jack had everything he would need. J had already agreed to go ahead and buy diapers and wipes.

At 1:09 I sent J a text asking how things were going. He said that he wasn't use to this anymore and went on to ask me if I could drive down and pick Jack up. My Mom drove me down there since I hadn't slept the night before. They were waiting outside when we pulled up. He said "maybe next time I can come to your house and that way Mama can help me".

They never went to the park and he never took him to McDonalds. Jack's pants were wet and his diaper was soaked so I know he hadn't been changed. All of these reasons and many more is why I didn't want him to stay overnight.

We stopped at Sonic so I could feed him lunch. When we got home I changed him and then took him outside to jump on the trampoline. I texted J "Since you didn't get as much time with him, if you want you can pick him up and take him to supper or you can come here and visit him. We are making Valentine cupcakes".

Bennett, Jack, and myself ate Valentine cupcakes in bed and watched Frosty the Snowman in bed.

I also texted him to let him know that he forgot to pack Jack's coat and asked him to bring it by on his way through town. He texted back that he was leaving town tomorrow so that he would bring it by then.

J never showed up to take Jack to dinner or for Valentine cupcakes. J never dropped off his coat. He (I'm sure M) paid me the $25 child support. I put the money in Jack's piggy bank. 

Questions I ask myself:
1. Why stay 2 nights to only see your son for that short amount of time?
2. You have wanted to see your son so badly but yet you choose not to go to his Valentine's party, go have supper with him, or visit him on Sunday when you drop his coat off, why?
3. Why would you sit in a hotel room with a 2 year old and not take him to McDonalds and the park like you said you were going to do?
4. How can you afford a hotel room for 2 nights yet can only give me $25 a week?
5. How can M be so dumb as to believe that he stayed in that hotel room alone?
6. How can M believe that J needed a hotel room in the first place? We go to Little Rock all the time for the day. He could have left at 8 and been here early enough to get him at 10. 
7. Why would he stay in Lake Village when where we live has hotels also? Hello M, he is in Lake Village (the town he use to work in) staying in a hotel for the weekend yet keeps his son for a few hours. What's up with that? I see a new woman in his future very soon. 

When I texted him Sunday night asking him to let me know his plans for this Saturday as soon as he knows he responded with "is this my Saturday?". The papers say every Saturday and he didn't even know that. I had to open my freaking mouth. 

I so badly want to yell at him but that would only make him be evil and do things to piss me off. It's better to play the game for awhile and let him mess himself up. My focus needs to be on Jack and not J. 

Well there is your update. Until next time my loves.


  1. I'm sorry that the weekend did not go so well for you or for Jack. That has to be heart breaking for you to try so hard to encourage a relationship between your son and your ex and then see him putting forth so little effort. You're doing the right thing, you're a great mom and I'm sorry you're having to mess with all of this.

  2. Ugh - this has to be just so hard for you! I'm sorry!

  3. Ick... that sounds hard. I'm sorry hun! Have you thought about supervised visitation? I'm a visit supervisor at a facility near me that does them, and it seems to help with the whole re-unification with non-custodial parents. And everything is documented for the courts. Just an idea. But I do have to commend you on trying to encourage the relationship between father and son. It's hard, and you seem to be doing better than expected. xo

  4. I'm sorry you and Jack have to go through this. I can't imagine the frustration that would cause. Stay strong Mama!


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