Divorce Update

Oh yucky divorce. All those upbeat country divorce songs I hate now because there is nothing upbeat about it. The process is like climbing up a slippery jagged mountain naked. You are bound to slip and when you do it hurts and there is no protection.

We have a hearing on the 11th. J will more than likely get every other weekend. Currently he is living with his girlfriend so I have requested that Jack not be allowed to stay the night where there are guests of the opposite sex. I'm not sure what will happen since he does live there and it is two hours away. Once he is married then Jack will have to be allowed to stay.

Of course, there is a part of me that wants to hand Jack over and say here you go. J would have no clue as to how to take care of him anymore. It has been over six months since J has taken care of him and a lot has changed. A part of me would get lots of satisfaction knowing he was struggling. It would serve him right for not being a part of Jack's life these last several months.

You and I both know that I can't let that happen. If it would only make J miserable I would do it without hesitation. I can't do it to Jack. I want things to be as easy on Jack as possible. Instead I am putting together a Jack manual. I'm having to think of all the day to day things that Jack needs and wants. I want to make this as easy of a transition for Jack as possible.

The hardest part is going to be missing him while he is with his dad. It's gonna be really hard. I know it is just something I'll have to get use to and will take time. I have a dear friend who has two sons who go to their father's house every other weekend. She promised that it gets easier over time and she said when he is gone that I need to stay busy.

The hearing on the 11th is suppose to be a temporary hearing but we are working towards making it the final hearing by working on the details beforehand. J and I both are currently being cordial. Things are easier when we get along because I am a lot less stressed out. When he gets angry he gets vindictive and always threatens to request more than every other weekend with Jack. I'm still not getting any child support because he isn't working.

Most days aren't too bad. There are times when anxiety gets to me when I think about Jack with his Dad and his girlfriend. I picture her holding my son and being a family together with my son and it bothers me. I try to not let those ugly thoughts enter my mind but sometimes they do and it sucks. Ideally, she will drop him. It would be great if he could get his own place closer to us so that when Jack was with him I would be close by. Also, it would be great if I had him nearby for times when I need a sitter for after school. Honestly though I don't think he would ever move down here again. I think it makes more sense because his son is here but my opinion isn't worth a hill of beans to him.

I'll be sure to update everyone after the 11th. Wish me and Jack luck!