Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Father's Day Makes Me Worry
Father's Day was Sunday and thankfully Jack is too young to fully be aware that he basically doesn't have a father. It hurts to my core that Jack doesn't know the love of his father. I do everything in my power to make sure that he never feels it though. I try to be intentional about wrestling with him, playing ball, getting in the dirt, and pushing cars around.
I'm dreading the moment when Jack asks me because to be honest I don't know what to say. Do I make up a lie about why his dad isn't around or do I tell him the truth? I feel like telling him that his dad is a selfish person will make him feel inferior. I never want him to feel like he isn't enough. Not once do I want him to feel that it has anything to do with him.
The last time Jack saw his father was November 14th and before that it was March. The man battled me and cost me thousands of dollars for him to just disappear from his life. The papers say he gets Jack every Saturday. We haven't heard from him or gotten the first dollar in child support. Many people ask me why I don't go after him for child support. My reasons are 1. I'm tired of fighting. 2. If he doesn't feel like that is the least he should do then I don't want to force it. 3. We are okay without it (it is only $100 a month so it isn't like it would change our lives). 4. I believe that if he was forced to pay then he would try and affect my life negatively.
Jack has his uncle Tyler and my father for positive male influences but it sometimes makes me sad. He calls his uncle Tyler Daddy because his cousin Bennett does. I do correct him but when he does it, it hurts. He is starting to talk about daddies from watching tv shows.
I'm starting to really feel the pressure of trying to figure out what to say when the time comes. At daycare they made two little things for Father's Day and I just had to throw them away. It hurt too much to look at them.
I know the time is coming where I'm going to have to tell him something. Any suggestions? Anyone want to handle that for me :)
Posted by Ashley Ponder at 22.6.16