Father's Day was Sunday and thankfully Jack is too young to fully be aware that he basically doesn't have a father. It hurts to my core that Jack doesn't know the love of his father. I do everything in my power to make sure that he never feels it though. I try to be intentional about wrestling with him, playing ball, getting in the dirt, and pushing cars around.
I'm dreading the moment when Jack asks me because to be honest I don't know what to say. Do I make up a lie about why his dad isn't around or do I tell him the truth? I feel like telling him that his dad is a selfish person will make him feel inferior. I never want him to feel like he isn't enough. Not once do I want him to feel that it has anything to do with him.
The last time Jack saw his father was November 14th and before that it was March. The man battled me and cost me thousands of dollars for him to just disappear from his life. The papers say he gets Jack every Saturday. We haven't heard from him or gotten the first dollar in child support. Many people ask me why I don't go after him for child support. My reasons are 1. I'm tired of fighting. 2. If he doesn't feel like that is the least he should do then I don't want to force it. 3. We are okay without it (it is only $100 a month so it isn't like it would change our lives). 4. I believe that if he was forced to pay then he would try and affect my life negatively.
Jack has his uncle Tyler and my father for positive male influences but it sometimes makes me sad. He calls his uncle Tyler Daddy because his cousin Bennett does. I do correct him but when he does it, it hurts. He is starting to talk about daddies from watching tv shows.
I'm starting to really feel the pressure of trying to figure out what to say when the time comes. At daycare they made two little things for Father's Day and I just had to throw them away. It hurt too much to look at them.
I know the time is coming where I'm going to have to tell him something. Any suggestions? Anyone want to handle that for me :)
Jack is blessed to have you & other loving family members. I got a divorce when my daughter was two (she's now sixteen). It's not easy at all!! I have some thoughts on this, but I'm going to email you privately. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I really don't have any good advice, but just know that Jack is so lucky to have you and so much family around to support him!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and Jack!! You're such a great mama for thinking ahead to future conversations and working hard to give Jack the best right now. Your dad and brother will always be important figures in his life and will be excellent male role models. You're smart to avoid drama with his dad over money because that's really hard on everyone. I'd say honesty is the best policy in most cases. You can always filter that to put things in kid terms, but Jack is surrounded by family that loves him and a mom who is his number one fan.
ReplyDeleteI think that when the time comes to talk about his father, you'll know what to say. I don't know my biological father but was adopted by the man I call Dad when he and my Mom got married. Often times I wonder why he didn't want me but then it's not about me, really. He has his own struggles to deal with. Jack's father is no different. You can be mother and father. Don't doubt your abilities.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet mama, this hurts my heart. I wish I had all of the perfect words for you, but I really don’t. I will be praying for you and for the wisdom and the words for when that time comes. Jack may not have an earthly father figure, but rest assured he has the absolute most amazing heavenly Father! And it sounds like he has some other pretty great men in his life, and of course the best Mama!
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