My Dearest Jack,
Tomorrow I'm meeting with a lawyer to draw up papers for your father to sign his rights away. I have no idea what I'm going to tell you about this situation as you get older. There are a few things I want you to know. First off, he loves you. I also want you to know that he and I loved each other. We made you out of love. As you will sadly learn in life, not everything goes as planned.
He is doing this for you so that you and I can move on with our lives. He knows he can't be the amazing father that you deserve. His current life situation isn't what he wanted. I'm sure he is ashamed that he can't be the man you need him to me. I promise to continue to be one hell of a mama for you.
I promise to be as honest with you as possible. I want you to know that I have my reasons for wanting him to sign these papers. For one, he can't afford the child support and it just goes against him each time he doesn't pay. Another reason, he isn't living the best life right now and although you aren't seeing him right now I don't want you to ever be in a situation where you aren't safe. Plus, I want you to have my last name. I'm the one parenting you and you deserve to have my last name. Lastly, Lord forbide something happen to me. I want you to stay in the care of my family. He couldn't parent you well but would take you anyways to spite your grandparents. You deserve the best possible life.
I love you more than I can ever express. You are the most important person in my life and I'll do anything to keep you happy and healthy. I know this isn't the ideal situation but it is the best situation for you. Just know that you are loved and not just by me. You have a whole family that adores you and will teach you everything you need to know.
I'm mostly sorry that I couldn't give you the family you deserve. So badly I wanted you to have the perfect family. It may not be the family that I wanted for you but it is a great family who loves you and is going to take the best care of you.
Jack, you make me so proud to be your mom. The Lord blessed me. Did you know that I wasn't suppose to be able to have children? So you are my miracle baby. I prayed hard for you and God blessed me. I have to protect my miracle. You are such a sweet loving child. You also remind me daily to live big. You have no fear and live life at 100%. You have made me into a stronger and better person. God is so good!
I love you my dear Jack.
Hugs friend! I want you to know that I had something similar happen to me when I was very young. I don't know my biological father and I don't need to. My mom meet and married the man I call my father when I was younger, who later adopted me. He is my father and I am his daughter, I'm actually very much like him. I couldn't have ever asked for a better Daddy.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing what's best for Jack, never second guess that. Good luck tomorrow.
I'm crying huge tears right now. This is beautifully written, Mama, and God bless you for making this incredibly tough decision. Parenting is never easy, even with the "perfect" family (which we all know doesn't actually exist), but parenting by yourself is the world's toughest job. And you are nailing it, girl. Never forget that. No matter how many tough moments there are, tough life situations, tough weeks, you are doing the absolutely best job you are capable of doing. And that, my friend, is what makes you the PERFECT mother.
ReplyDeleteSending you big hugs, lady! I know this wasn't easy to write, much less do. I admire your strength and love for that sweet Jack of yours! You are doing what is absolutely best for him and that's what makes you such a good mama!
ReplyDeleteYou're a wonderful mama! This letter to Jack made me cry. You're so thoughtful and are really doing what is best for Jack. He'll realize that and the way you explain this to him as he gets older will be perfect. He's lucky to have you to look out for him and make plans for his future. You two are quite a pair and are surrounded by love!!
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