My Dear Jack

My Dearest Jack,

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a lawyer to draw up papers for your father to sign his rights away. I have no idea what I'm going to tell you about this situation as you get older. There are a few things I want you to know. First off, he loves you. I also want you to know that he and I loved each other. We made you out of love. As you will sadly learn in life, not everything goes as planned.

He is doing this for you so that you and I can move on with our lives. He knows he can't be the amazing father that you deserve. His current life situation isn't what he wanted. I'm sure he is ashamed that he can't be the man you need him to me. I promise to continue to be one hell of a mama for you.

I promise to be as honest with you as possible. I want you to know that I have my reasons for wanting him to sign these papers. For one, he can't afford the child support and it just goes against him each time he doesn't pay. Another reason, he isn't living the best life right now and although you aren't seeing him right now I don't want you to ever be in a situation where you aren't safe. Plus, I want you to have my last name. I'm the one parenting you and you deserve to have my last name. Lastly, Lord forbide something happen to me. I want you to stay in the care of my family. He couldn't parent you well but would take you anyways to spite your grandparents. You deserve the best possible life.

I love you more than I can ever express. You are the most important person in my life and I'll do anything to keep you happy and healthy. I know this isn't the ideal situation but it is the best situation for you. Just know that you are loved and not just by me. You have a whole family that adores you and will teach you everything you need to know.

I'm mostly sorry that I couldn't give you the family you deserve. So badly I wanted you to have the perfect family. It may not be the family that I wanted for you but it is a great family who loves you and is going to take the best care of you.

Jack, you make me so proud to be your mom. The Lord blessed me. Did you know that I wasn't suppose to be able to have children? So you are my miracle baby. I prayed hard for you and God blessed me. I have to protect my miracle. You are such a sweet loving child. You also remind me daily to live big. You have no fear and live life at 100%. You have made me into a stronger and better person. God is so good!

I love you my dear Jack.

My Favorite Shows

I love watching tv but I don't get to watch tv often. It is usually something I try and catch up on the weekends. My DVR stays full and I watch when I can. I still have them ready for me and they make me happy. Some of these are guilty pleasures and I watch them with no seriousness. It is fluff that I love.

Mariah's World

I watch Mariah's World because it is crazy. Her bodysuits. Her flirtation. Her flirting. Oh she is too much and watching her just makes me feel better about myself as a human being. The people she has surrounded herself with might be part of the problem.

Teen Mom

I've watched since the start so I'm invested in these ladies lives. Just this past week Chelsea and Janelle both had their babies. I'm sad that Kaitlyn and Javi got divorced. It seems like Leah is getting her stuff together and I wish her all the best. 

How to Get Away With Murder

I've been addicted to this show since the very start. It is amazing and Viola Davis is SO GOOD! The newest episode just came on. It is currently on my DVR and I'm saving it for when my mom and I can sit down in peace to watch.

Outdaughtered

I've just recently started watching this show. I've been able to catch up pretty quickly once I was able to record season 1. They are the cutest couple and are such great parents. They have some parenting skills with 6 girls that I wish I had with just my one wild child. I truly pray that they do not fall victum of TLC and end up in gossip magazines and divorced. I would be devestated. 

Americas Next Top Model

This is a guilty pleasure. This is the first season without Tyra and I don't miss her at all. The show is just as good. The catty behavior and the drama gets me. I love seeing the picttures though. Cameras and editing can do amazing things. 

Criminal Minds

I was late to Criminal Minds but I've seen many of the reruns and now watch regularly. Oh that show creeps me out but I love the profiling. It makes you think and I'm a sucker for a crime drama. 

Project Runway Junior

 These kiddos are so creative. I'm just amazed at all they can do. I'm not what you would call a fashion forward person but I still love seeing the outfits they come up with. I told my friend today that I think I like the Junior seasons more than the regular season because there is a lot less drama. Heidi is gone, but just like Tyra leaving ANTM, I don't miss her.

SVU

I'm been loving this show for all the years. You give me an afternoon off, a couch, and a SVU marathon and I'm happy as can be. This show has been through lots of transition but it has worked well for them. I'm still loving it today. 

This Is Us

I take my drama shows very serious. This is Us is the hit show that everyone is loving. I didn't love it right away but it has grown on me. I don't love the Kate storyline. Toby is an annoying character and sometimes I have to fast forward through some of their scenes. It's like Kate feels like she has to be with Toby because no one else would love her. The scene where Toby is in the hospital and he is all "mount me Kate". It just bothered me so bad because it is like he is degrading her. I LOVE Milo and Mandy! The past storyline is my favorite. This is Mandy Moore's greatest work.

I didn't realize how much tv I watch until I started typing out the shows I have to watch. Most of these shows stay on my DVR until the right moment. My mom and I watch Project Runway Junior, How to Get Away With Murder, and This Is Us together. They are usually are Sunday afternoon treats and I send Jack away to his room to play and watch his ipad. 

What is currenlty your favorite show?

The Best of Friends

I have known these girls right here for a long time. I met Brooke (the gal beside me) when we were in middle school. That means we have been friends since 1995. Amy  (girl above us) came into our lives in 2001 when Brooke and Amy worked at the same place and then come to find out we all lived in the same dorm.

Amy and Brooke worked at a small diner that has been around for over 50 years. Amy was pregnant with her son Blake. Brooke didn't have a car so after I got off work from Fred's I would go sit at Rays until Brooke got off work. We had fun times up there. They would throw me some free fries and a drink and we would run the jukebox. Many memories were made there and our friendship grew.

We've been through it together and then some. We are all boy mamas so we have that in common. Throughout the years we have been there for each other through some hard moments but we have had way more fun times than rough ones. We get along so well and have decided that all trips just need to be the three of us because we just mesh so well.

Throughout the days we send each other funny memes or words of encouragement. I'm so thankful that these conversations aren't seen by others. People would be truly scared of our mental status.

We spend Girls Night Outs talking about our past shenanigans and laugh just as hard as when they happened. There is something so special about having girls who know your inside jokes. The same girls who will call you out on our mess or tell you that your hair looks a hot mess. That is true friendship.

I can say for sure that the three of us carry this friendship with us at all times. We respect it because it means so much to us. If we have a small falling out, it never lasts long. We are quick to say I'm sorry and thankfully these moments don't have to happen often.

It so nice to have people I can count on. Girls I can have lots of fun with. On February 4th we are going to Memphis to see Garth Brooks again and I can't wait. We will have a great time from the moment we get into the car until we all go back home. I already know we will make new memories to share and laugh about on our next GNO.

Do you have THAT group of girls that you have been friends with for years?

Jack's Class Valentines

I love Valentine's Day!!! You would think as a single gal that it wouldn't be my favorite but I have so many people to give love to. Some of my favorite valentines to give are those to Jack's classmates. He will come home with a huge bag of goodies. Since they will be getting so much candy I like to do something that isn't a sweet. Since Jack's favorite books are the Pete the Cat books I decided to get his friends one. I found a set of mini Pete the Cat books that were $12 for ten books. I bought 20 books in all and I'm so excited to share these.

I got on Picmonkey and made this cute little tag that goes perfectly.

I just know the kids are going to love these books and the parents will appreciate having one less sweet. Plus, from what the teacher says all the kids enjoy Pete the Cat. I'm really excited about gifting them this year. Now I gotta figure out what to get his AMAZING teachers. 

I just couldn't resist. Here is Jack on his first Valentine's Day. 

Building My Foundation

My word for 2017 is foundation. I went back and forth on what word I needed to pick and I kept coming back to foundation. I feel like I'm in a transition phase where a lot of building and work needs to be done. I can build this foundation with something that will not hold up or I can build a strong foundation. My goal is to build a strong foundation for Jack and I. 

As they say, there is nothing magical about January. I told myself over and over that January would just be testing the water. It has really worked not holding myself up to a certain set of goals that can't be changed or even just deleted. 

On thing that I did that has really helped with writing my goals for this month was to make a bulleted list of what a winning month would look like for me. After I looked over that list I was able to come up with goals that would help me have that winning month. One winning month after another will help me build that strong foundation I truly want. 

In order to build this strong foundation I have turned to 4 books (and I'm sure more will be added in later months). One of my yearly goals was to get into the Bible more. I set a goal to read the book of Psalms this month. It is going really well and gives me such wisdom and peace. There isn't a better book to help me grow my strong foundation. 

Next up is this very trendy gem. It's awesome. I'm not writing in mine in hopes of passing it along. However, I am doing a lot of the tasks Ley discusses. Already I have went through my closet, dresser drawers, and shoes. I want to get into a simplicity mindset that I hope to carry forward once Jack and I have our own home. 

Oh the Powersheets. I love you. I'm not even exactly sure why I love them so much but I do. I work in mine practically every day. It is still January and I'm already excited to write in February's pages. I'm so glad Santa gifted these to me this year.  Also, the Powersheets Facebook group are so encouraging. 

My last book that is helping me build the foundation I want is my planner. In the past I've used planners but after awhile I'd see a new one I wanted and trade mine in. I've promised myself, not this year. I'm making myself open that sucker up and write down all.the.stuff. My favorite thing to write down each day is just one thing from that day that made me happy. I'll cherish looking back on those. I'm holding myself accountable to my planner. 

I hope to be writing a post in December where I outline this great foundation I've built for Jack and I. I've become very intentional about how I've spent my time. I repeat this phrase to myself, "you are how you spend you time". It's a powerful one. 

Have a great week friends! 

Leaning Into Four

January 3rd I made a parenting change in my life. Jack turned 4 on November 7th but it took something on January 3rd to see that Jack was growing up. I don't even know exactly what it was but I looked at him and I just realized how much he had grown up. I decided I was going to commit myself to leaning into Jack being four. He'll be five before I know it and five is big kid. I want to to fully take in each moment of Jack being four.

Oh what a difference this has made in our lives. Y'all if I would have known the good that would have come from this then I would have done it forever ago. So what exactly has changed? Well I will try and explain.

As a mom it is impossible to do everything your child wants you to do. Before this change I would do stuff with Jack but I never really loved playing trains or match for the 100th time. Once I saw it as such a fleeting moment my whole prespective changed. Now don't get me wrong, I still can't play Pop the Pig every single time he asks but I'm saying yes a whole LOT more. My goal is to really embrace each moment I can and be completely in the moment.

It's so great seeing the change in Jack as well as in myself. Since I've calmed down, Jack has calmed down. I use to be so anxious, feeling rushed through one moment to get to the next one. I'm letting so many things go to focus on Jack and it has been so freeing. We've had so many great moments since January 3rd and I feel like we are both just really enjoying each other.

We've played so much. I've played numberous games of Pop the Pig and match. I don't always even want to play but I think about his joy and it makes me want to do what he wants to do. The other day we jumped on the trampoline for like an hour and had a leaf fight. Jack had so much joy and it just filled my heart.

When he is being difficult I am no longer matching his frustration. I'm staying calm and it has made such a difference. I can get him calm a lot faster and we aren't butting heads as much. The more he gets use to this new way, the more he has relaxed and has been such a different kid. Instead of Jack looking for mischief he is turning to me more to say what he wants. He requires a lot of my attention. He is a naturally mischievious child. Thankfully me leaning into him has eased a lot of that and I think because he is getting so much positive attention that he isn't seeking negative attention.

Life has been so much more pleasant since that great day when I saw Jack as a baby who will soon be my big boy. This transformation in my parenting goes directly with my word for 2017-foundation. I'm completely dedicated to building a strong foundation for us.

My Word for 2017 + Goals

This year for Christmas I was gifted Lara Casey's Powersheets. At the beginning of December I really started thinking about what I wanted for 2017. This past year wasn't just awful but I didn't make the progress I wanted to. Of course there are some areas that I was weaker in than others (paying off debt and reading more). I actually lost about 15 pounds but I'm still far from where I want to be (I'll get into more about that later).

I made my way through the Powersheets prep and after really thinking about it I picked the word

FOUNDATION

I'm going to start celebrating every bit of progress I make towards my bigger goals. I'm in a season of life where my days consist of working and caring for Jack. There is little time to pursue big dreams or have alone time. That is okay. 

There are some basic areas in life that I need to focus on to build a better foundation to a better life for Jack and I. Here are some areas I want to work on.

HEALTH: 

• Move more
• Drink more water
• Eat breakfast
• Bring lunch to work
• Cut out middle of the night snacking (I had stopped and 

FINANCES:

• Spend less
• Pay off as much debt as possible
• Start a savings account
• Check my bank balance daily
• Use mint to track expenses

FAITH

• Attend church more often
• Read scripture
• Pray more often
• Listen to more faith based podcasts

PERSONAL

• Read a book a month
• Take one hot bubble bath a week
• Do three girls night out this year
• Cultivate the relationships within my personal circle-close family, a few coworkers, a few friends, and some online friendships
• Continue with my Powersheets

Life Update: Christmas and Such

Christmas has come and gone. In two short days I'll be heading back to work. December was a fun month. We watched lots of Christmas movies and some made Jack cry. He is a rough and tough kid but he sure has a heart. Christmas morning I made the Pioneer Woman cinnamon rolls...they were AMAZING! Bennett spent lots of time here with us and every once in awhile the boys would NOT fight. Maybree has gotten obsessed with hugging everyone-it is super cute. Our work did their annual Christmas Ugly Sweater Party and I wore the same one but I was told that red is my color. On the 20th I went to Jack's Christmas party and once he saw me he was ready to go. I got him to stay for a picture with Santa but that was about it. 

This whole time I never thought that the idea of Christmas morning was sinking in with Jack until 4 am Christmas morning when he was in the living room opening gifts in the dark. Thankfully it didn't take me too long to hear him and was able to see him open the majority of his gifts. He loved everything he got and especially loved the bags of air inside the Amazon boxes. Free toys!

I took all my Christmas stuff down the day after Christmas. I organized and cleaned everything. I even put some of Jack's gifts away for a rainy day. I too got lots of great gifts including Powersheets, boots, a projector, and a few different pair of earrings. Santa was good to us all. 

I'm excited about the New Year and am still narrowing down my one word and my goals. I hope to post about them soon.

Happy 2017!