Hard Questions

The other day it was a beautiful 63 degrees outside. My Mom said she would watch Jack so I made a break for it. I went to a friend's house where we sat on her patio and had a few cocktails in the nice breeze and sun. She asked how things have been going so I got to do the whole rant about my ass of an ex and the difficulties of being a single mom. It feels good to get those things out from time to time. Then she asked "What are your plans once the divorce is final? How long are you going to live with your parents? Are you going to stay in that town or move back here?"

Those questions hit me hard. She isn't the first person to ask me but now that we have been separated for six months I feel like I can't use "I'm not sure right now" as a continued excuse. Honestly though, I really have no idea. I'm a planner. It's what I do but seriously I have no idea what I plan on doing. Money is bad tight right now. As part of my NY Resolutions I hope to save some money but at this rate even a year from now I'm not going to be comfortable enough financially to move us out on our own.

I'm 32 and living with your parents isn't exactly the cool thing to do at my age. I'm just not sure what else I can do at this point. I think I will get a summer job and maybe that will help me save a little extra money. Since I'm a teacher I will only have workshops to work a schedule around.

For someone who is a planner by nature it is very difficult not having big goals for Jack and I's living situation. Part of that is just that it is hard to think about, upsetting that I have to deal with it at all. My life was moving forward and now it feels like I'm moving backwards.

I guess it's time to put my big girl panties on and face my situation. It's time I start coming up with answers to these hard questions. I also need to remember to give myself a break. Things are difficult right now and I don't have to have all the answers right now. I just need to make small steps in a positive direction.