My Quest to Blog

Blogging is hard work, even for an amateur like myself. I couldn't imagine being a top blogger whose readers expect great content, topics, and pictures. I blog for myself because it gives me a place to lay it all out there. Divorce is hard and being a single parent is even harder. I would love to get back into the blogging game, if you are a blogger then you know what I am talking about. I don't even have a "real" blog layout. I haven't dedicated myself to this blog like I did Mrs. Mama. I think because before I was creating a family life and this time life is scrambling up my family. Honestly, it is more fun to write when your life is going good. When things are bad you don't want to share. Who wants to see my bedroom at my parent's house? There is no mantel. No kitchen of mine to organize. Decorating is limited. Just not much to show. Now that I'm 32 and living at home it is like my family is being pushed into another family. We don't make the rules, we are guests. Of course, since it is my family it doesn't feel like I'm merely a guest but a guest non the less.

All bloggers have to fit in time to blog. Some even need to schedule it in like an appointment. It's what you do when it is important to you. Although blogging is important to me, there are so many other things that keep getting in the way. You know, life. I hope to focus on blogging a little more in 2015. Although life is tough right now I want to one day look back and say "look what I made it through".

Faith in the Bracelet

Today while doing a little Christmas shopping I found a little something for myself. I'm not one who normally buys something for herself, and especially not so close to Christmas, but today I made an exception.

I was buying a few gifts and while I was waiting for my items to be wrapped I was looking at all the small items around the counter. I noticed a box labeled "Fortune Bracelet". From first glance you see modern colors and designs. I picked up one that stood out to me and started searching for why it was called a "Fortune Bracelet". My first thought was that it would change colors like a mood ring. I saw there was writing inside.

 

 

Sorry for the poor quality picture. I'm not "blogger" enough for real pictures.

 

It reads, "Your happiness is before you, not behind you".  Oh what a fortune for me! I really needed to see those words, and every part of me has to believe this fortune to be true. Not only does it cleanse me in hope for the future, but it also calms me knowing that the Lord gave this sign to me to keep me pushing forward and working towards a happier future.  A new year is starting to feel like something I could get excited about after all. Thank you $3 Fortune Bracelet for a whole new outlook! 

Party Time, Sickness, Knees, and Divorce

Wednesday we had our annual Ugly Christmas Sweater party at work. Honestly, my Christmas sweater isn't so ugly but if I'm gonna spend money on something then I want it to be something I can wear more than once. If you can't tell, I still haven't gotten my hair done. I seriously need a haircut.

 





Thursday the whole Ponder clan drove the 2 hours to Little Rock so my mom could have her knee replacement. Since my ex is living there now I decided to call him to let him know we would be in town if he wanted to come to the hospital and see Jack. When he showed up I didn't even recognize him. He had earrings in! All I could think is these last few months have been tearing me apart and he has gotten his ears pierced. He had on all new clothes and shoes and even a huge chain around his neck. I guess since he doesn't have a kid to raise he has time to focus on himself. He isn't giving me any child support but has the money to buy all that stuff for himself. I held my tongue to get through the visit but it did bother me. He has said he refuses to give me child support until it is court ordered. I think this says a lot about his character and enforces in me that I never really knew him.

 

I will say that he did get Jack some great Christmas presents. Jack enjoyed everything and for that I'm thankful. Jeremy went ahead and brought Jack's Christmas presents with him although he was suppose to bring them to him on the 23rd. I guess it just saves him a trip. I'm happy that I won't have to see him again until after Christmas.

 

 

Friday I woke up feeling quite sick. I was very nervous that I might have the flu. Although I was sick I knew I had to get to work at least for a little while. I had some loose ends to tie up before Christmas break and I needed to give some gifts and also pick up my paycheck. I stayed for about two hours. I then headed home and took a very long nap before I had to get to Jack's Christmas party at daycare. 



 





 



 These are not the best pictures but I was feeling so bad but I did want to snap a few. He makes the biggest messes when he is eating. Of course, he ate the cupcake first.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas! I'm very much looking forward to a new year.

 

 

Gals, Game Changers, and Garth (Day 1)

Want to see a heck of a lot of pictures? Keep reading and watching. Sadly, I think I took more pictures in those 3 days than I did the first 3 days after having Jack. When you get three besties together for a girl's weekend then you are bound to take lots of pictures.

 We were like 15 year old girls everywhere-taking selfies like we just heard of them. We had to, just know we made fun of ourselves for doing so. Hey us mommies rarely get out and when we do it is very rare for us to have a whole long weekend in another state.

Things kicked off when Amy and Brooke picked me up from school. I stood on the corner with my luggage in hand. They pulled up and I jumped in. Road trip time!

Our first stop was the liquor store. We each bought a different flavor of the beer/margaritas. The weather was awful. We were going up, down, and around mountains in rain and a heavy fog. Our plan was to stop and grab some food when we got closer to Brooke's Mom's house. Brooke's parents have a summer home halfway to St. Louis. We let the miles get the best of us and we ended up at the house before we got any supper. Thankfully there was some food in the house. We dined on canned baked potato soup, mac and cheese, popcorn, and cookies. What a meal! It sure was yummy to us at the time.

 

Getting the alcohol but no food

 

Preparing for our meal

 

A very random plate of food

 

After filling up I was ready for bed. We knew we had a long drive ahead and plenty of time to visit later so we went to bed fairly early. Night one was very calm and it would be the only night of this trip that we made it to bed at a decent hour. 

Let It Go....Let It Go

I'll be honest, I get a little "f it all" when things don't go as planned. Even though I did have those thoughts a couple times, I can't just "f it" when it comes to the holidays. Although Jack doesn't really get it just yet, I knew I would be sad if I didn't do those little things that make Christmas a holiday.

The first thing that shows up during the holiday season is the Christmas tree. For the first time my parents have no Christmas tree in the living room. This is what had happened. We knew we needed to wait for awhile because Jack would be obsessed with messing with it. So last Friday my dad brought out the tree for me to put together. It had been stored in a large tote with no lid inside the shed. Well I was snapping the pieces in when we noticed the lady bugs. More and more began flying around. Suddenly it was like a lady bug infestation. My dad panics and drags the whole tree through the house and chunks it into the yard. The lady bugs were everywhere. He said I could go to Wal-Mart tomorrow and buy a new one.

The next day he handed me $200 and said "bring back the change". Our small town does have a Wal-Mart (that closes at nine) and there isn't a lot of stock. Now granted there probably would have been more options if I weren't buying a tree 11 days before Christmas. My options were 1. a 3 foot prelit tree or 2. a 6 foot no lights tree. I threw the 6 foot tree in the buggy and bought some lights. I'm not much of a Christmas tree buying veteran but it shouldn't take a genius to figure out that when the tree costs $20 that it probably isn't that great of a tree and not the bargain you had hoped for. The tree was a hot mess. 6 foot? I'm not 6 feet tall and it was right there with me. Not only was it short but it was skinny and full of holes. My plan was to just make it work this year. Well Jack had other plans and would just knock the light tree straight over. He would even drag it across the floor and move it around which would unplug the lights and piss him off when it was pretty anymore. The sad little Charlie Brown tree has been moved to our bedroom so he can view it from his crib. It has no ornaments on it because Jack just pulls them off. I'm very sad that there is no big beautiful Christmas tree full of ornaments that we have pulled out year after year but I have to let it go.

 

Sweet Jack Jack after his bath enjoying touching all the lights.

 

Another tradition is building a gingerbread house. Since Jack and my nephew Bennett are obsessed with trains I thought a gingerbread train kit would be a better choice. I got everything all organized and then brought the boys in. Jack is still a little too young to really be helpful but Bennett is a great age for understanding and following directions. What was I thinking? Two boys, cookies, icing, and candy and not letting them put any of it in their mouths. Crazy idea! Here is what happened...

 

 

Yeah that was a no go but I will say the gingerbread tasted very good. Poor Bennett kept trying to decorate but he would have to take a bite or get a little taste of the candies. I finally, and literally, had to ask myself "What is more important, making a cute Instagram perfect gingerbread train or letting the boys enjoy themselves''? I had to let it go.

 

 

Have you had to "let it go" this holiday season? 



Santa Baby

This is year three of paying the astronomical price of $14 for one 5 x 7 of my sweet Jack Jack sitting on Santa's lap. These mall folks know how to work a Mama and pull those purse strings. I may be broke but by gosh we will get 30 seconds on Santa's knee and a picture with bad lighting. As you trip over how much this wee one has grown, please take a look at these poor Santa's. Let's just say the old saying rings true here, men really do look better with age. No wonder Jack is screaming in photo two. Poor baby was traumatized my ugly Santa as a baby.  

 

 

 

 

 

Call me a bad mom, but I love the second picture with him crying. It is just so precious! There was a couple there today with a baby around Jack's age in picture two. They were trying their best to get him to warm up to Santa and not cry. That baby was not having it. They really wanted that smiling happy picture but it wasn't happening. They will realize that the crying picture will one day become a fond memory.

 

Jack loved Santa! I'm talking he acted like they were old buddies. He was giving Santa high-fives and getting up and down from his lap. All of the faux Wonderland objects were calling his name. He could have spent a lot longer there if I would have let him but Jack has a tendency to destroy things. The $14 picture broke the bank so we rolled on out. Yes, we literally rolled out because my Mom was with me and I had to push her in a wheelchair. On Thursday she will get to have her knee replacement. We are all very excited for her to finally get this done. Her birthday is the day after surgery so it isn't a great birthday but it is a new beginning for her.

 

I am very excited that the trip to see Santa went so well. Life has been so chaotic that I was worried I wouldn't be able to fit a Santa trip in (living in such a small town we have to travel 45 minutes to find a Santa). It took some serious planning and a little rearranging but it got done and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out.

 

Do you take your child to see Santa each year?

 

Week Four Goals

Last week was Thanksgiving week and I took the week off from the world. We were out of school so I took that time to just get ready for the big Thanksgiving meal and all the company.

This week is Book Fair week at our school. Book Fair time is always super crazy and it wears me out. I'm thankful for the money we make but it doesn't make me any less tired at the end of the day. Basically, it's a rough week that I do for the greater good.

I have a fun weekend planned that is getting me through this hectic week.

Here are my 5 goals for this week:
1. Get the tree up.
2. Get my hair done.
3. December newsletter out for work.
4. December birthdays posted for work.
5. Go shopping for me a few new pieces of clothes.

Isn't it sad when I have to write shopping for myself down as a goal? It is going to be such a busy week that fitting it in will be difficult. Staying organized and being focused will be the only things that get me through this week with all my sanity.

You turn your head for one second and he is dancing on the kitchen table!