Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Renewing My Motherhood Vows



On Friday as I was reading blogs with the tv on in the background I realized that I've been in a negative place for a little while. I'm not sure what it was but the thought flashed on like flipping a switch. Being a single parent is so hard and I'd gotten bogged down by the day to day. Just doing all of the necessities and having a spirited toddler was wearing me down. I hadn't realized that I had stopped having fun. I had found myself more frustrated in motherhood than happy. The worst part of my realization was that when I thought about it I realized the attitudes of the people around me had fallen right into place with how I was feeling. I don't want to be a negative person but I had become one.

In my mid to late twenties all I wanted in the world was a child. I've always loved children and I really wanted one of my own to do all the things kids love. I was going to be super mom and I couldn't wait. As with most things, the idea and the reality were very different. The expectations I set for myself were unattainable.  I'd lost my passion and got caught up in a defeatist attitude.

I've had enough and right in that moment I decided to renew my motherhood vows.

I vow to have fun.
I vow to start letting little things go.
I vow to incorporate Jack into the daily chores instead of trying to keep him away while I work.
I vow to lean into the hard stuff.
I vow to pick my battles and to be okay with losing some.
I vow to make Jack laugh more often.
I vow to be silly.
I vow to roll with the chaos.
I vow to give myself permission to feel down but I vow to get back on track.
I vow to chill out.
…………………

Since Friday when I renewed my motherhood vows I've done well. Here is an inside look into some key moments into my renewed relationship with motherhood.

Jack and I went outside and really played instead of me sitting with my face in my phone.

When Jack and Bennett decided they needed chocolate milkshakes I made them and let them help. They loved it.

When Jack asked to have the milkshakes outside I said sure and we all headed outside.

Saturday morning Jack declared he needed a donut. Instead of leaving him with my mom while I went, I bundled him up and we sang thanksgiving songs in the car and I let him pick what donuts he wanted.

I was trying to watch Designated Survivor and Jack kept jumping in my lap because my attention wasn't on him so I paused it and we had a tickle fight.

I almost lost my cool, okay I did a little, when Jack spit his milk all over my bed. I acknowledged my bad temper and let it go.

Jack and Bennett wanted chocolate milk and Bennett kept licking the drippings on the bottle. I told them to open their mouths and I squirted chocolate in their mouths and let them chase it with milk. They thought it was hilarious and I got a big laugh also.

I know I'll fumble and a time will probably come where I'll need to renew my motherhood vows again but that is okay. As long as I'm trying to be the best mother I can be then I can't be that bad.

What would be one of your motherhood vows? 

3 comments:

  1. I love this! It's always important to reevaluate why you became a mother and the joys that your child bring you!

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  2. Love this post, Ashley! I think we all fall into those traps occasionally where we are overwhelmed and let our joy start to slip away. You are a great mom and Jack is blessed to have you!
    Hope you're feeling better! :)

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  3. What a sweet post!! You're doing great mama!! I love your vows and how you're already putting them into action. I, too, have to work hard to be silly, make sure I take time to have fun, ignore my to do lists and just enjoy my kids. Thanks for this reminder. Hope you're taking it easy!

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