May Goals

1. Finish reading the Bible

2. Start my classes for my second masters degree (more on that later)

3. Make Jack an appointment to get tested

4. Purchase Mother Day gifts for my SP, my mom, and my new friend Leslie that I was partnered with for a Mother's Day swap

5. Put away all winter clothes

6. Read one fiction book

7. Clean and organize library (closing up shop for the summer)

8. Write out plans for beach trip (places to go, addresses we will need, packing list, etc...)

9. Return items that I've been needing to get to

10. Make plans to celebrate 2 different birthdays of my really great friends

11. Start using my gym membership (baby steps)

12. Write 10 blog posts

13. Get a pedicure

14. Keep my tan up (using Rodan + Fields)

15. Make a list of fun activities for Jack, Bennett, and I to do this summer

16. Pay off 2 medical bills

17. Clean out car

18. Get rid of clothes from my last closet cleanout

19. Put up jewelry organizer and go through jewelry

20. Get Jack's hair cut

Mixed Emotions: We Quit T-Ball

Overall t-ball has been an awful experience. I signed Jack up because I wanted to be the typical boy mom. I thought it would be something fun for us to do together and I really thought he would like it.

Practice was better than the games because there wasn't all that dirt for him to play with. The amount of work I'm putting in doesn't even come close to adding up to the fun he was having. He wouldn't want to play. I wouldn't mind putting in all the work if it meant that he would at least play some. The more games we play the less he wanted to play.

The breaking point was today when he refused to even go up to bat. Like he threw himself on the ground and pitched a fit. I finally realized that me wrestling him to not run off, or stop throwing dirt, or jumping in the mud puddles, or getting in the way when the kids were trying to do right was more work on me and he wasn't even having fun.

I truly believe that one day he will enjoy playing ball but right now isn't the best time. I really hate to quit but I'm stressing myself out for no reason. He won't even get that we quit. As soon as it was time for him to bat he would scream to go home, or like today, to go to school. He just wants to be wild and free and just play. His favorite part is running around with his teammates before the games.

I've learned some lessons about parenting my child and about the parent I want to be. I felt true mom guilt for the first time and I learned to get over (most) of the guilt too. I have to do what is best for us even if most people think I need to stick it out.

This is Jack covered in dirt. It looks like he has been playing baseball but he had been playing in all the dirt and mud he could find while his teammates were actually playing baseball. Sometimes a mama has to throw her hands up and admit defeat.